Monday, August 25, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Cats & Dogs
How do you know when it's raining cats and dogs? When you stepped into a poodle... Anrich alerted us to this one ;-)
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Public cell phone talking...
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his train seat and closed his eyes.
A young woman sat down next to him, and, as the train rolled out of the station, pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice,
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train."
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting."
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss."
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life."
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. The man sitting next to her had now had enough.
He leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, get off the damn phone and come back to bed."
Sue no longer uses her cell phone in public
Public cell phone talking...
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his train seat and closed his eyes.
A young woman sat down next to him, and, as the train rolled out of the station, pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice,
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train."
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting."
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss."
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life."
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. The man sitting next to her had now had enough.
He leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, get off the damn phone and come back to bed."
Sue no longer uses her cell phone in public
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
So bietjie militere humor...
Van my goeie vriend Jan af.
Some good military humor
'If the enemy is in range, so are you.'
- Infantry Journal-
'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'
- US Air Force Manual -
'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur -
'Tracers work both ways.'
- Army Ordnance Manual-
'Five second fuses last about three seconds.'
- Infantry Journal -
'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
- Naval Ops Manual -
'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.'
- Unknown Infantry Recruit-
'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him.'
- Infantry Journal-
'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.'
- Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-
'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
Paul F. Crickmore
'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
-Unknown Author-
'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'
- Fixed Wing Pilot-
'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-
'Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.'
-Unknown Author-
'If you hear me yell; "Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echoes.'
If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot.'
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F-104 Pilot-
'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.'
-Sign over Control Tower Door-
'Never trade luck for skill.'
-Author Unknown-
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are: 'Did you feel that?' 'What's that noise?' and 'Oh S...!'
-Authors Unknown-
'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
- Emergency Checklist-
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley ( Northrop test pilot) -
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB , AZ-
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
- Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft,
having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.
The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?'
The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
Some good military humor
'If the enemy is in range, so are you.'
- Infantry Journal-
'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'
- US Air Force Manual -
'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur -
'Tracers work both ways.'
- Army Ordnance Manual-
'Five second fuses last about three seconds.'
- Infantry Journal -
'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
- Naval Ops Manual -
'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.'
- Unknown Infantry Recruit-
'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him.'
- Infantry Journal-
'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.'
- Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-
'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
Paul F. Crickmore
'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
-Unknown Author-
'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'
- Fixed Wing Pilot-
'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-
'Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.'
-Unknown Author-
'If you hear me yell; "Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echoes.'
If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot.'
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F-104 Pilot-
'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.'
-Sign over Control Tower Door-
'Never trade luck for skill.'
-Author Unknown-
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are: 'Did you feel that?' 'What's that noise?' and 'Oh S...!'
-Authors Unknown-
'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
- Emergency Checklist-
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley ( Northrop test pilot) -
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB , AZ-
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
- Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft,
having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.
The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?'
The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Bakkies Botha, die Afrikaanse Chuck Norris...
Bakkies Botha is so sterk, hy kan 'n bladsy uit facebook uit skeur
Bakkies Botha bel nie die verkeerde nommer nie, jy antwoord die verkeerde foon Bakkies Botha has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life. Bakkies Botha doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it Bakkies Botha can strangle you with a cordless phone. Death once had a near-Bakkies Botha experience Bakkies Botha can slam a revolving door. Bakkies Botha doesn't need a GPS. Bakkies Botha decides where he is. The sheep on Bakkies Botha' farm are the ones that give us steel wool. Bakkies Botha will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. Bakkies Botha can speak Braille. When Bakkies Botha throws a boomerang it doesn't dare come back Bakkies Botha does not fart, nothing escapes Bakkies Botha Some kids pee their name in snow. Bakkies Botha pees his name in concrete. Bakkies Botha can tweet from a pay phone Toe Alexander Graham Bell die foon ontwerp het, was daar 3 missed calls van Bakkies Botha af The Vredefort dome was not created by a meteorite, Bakkies Botha decided to put his foot down Die enigste tyd wat Bakkies rustig raak is as Riaan die nuus lees om 7 Wanneer Bakkies melk op sy rice crispies gooi, bly hulle tjoep stil Die eerste ding wat Bakkies doen wanneer hy by die see aankom, is om twee lengtes te swem |
Monday, October 24, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Puns for Educated Minds
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine
21.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine
21.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
AFRIKAANS UIT DIE BOONSTE GESKIEDENIS - Kinders se vraestel antwoorde, dis nou lekker Afrikaans !!
* Salomo het driehonderd vroue en nog sewehonderd bye-vye gehad. Nie almal van hulle het gesteek nie, maar hy was gelukkig baie slim en het 'n plan uitgewerk.
* Nog 'n belangrike uitvindsel was die bloedsomloop. Dit het verhoed dat jou bloed stilstaan, wat stilstuipe veroorsaak.
* Egipteland was bewoon deur mummies en hulle het almal op hulle hero-gleuwe geskryf en vir hulle pappies gewys. Hulle het in die Sarah-woestyn gewoon en het waterbeurte gehad van die min reën.. Die klimaat was so erg dat al die inwoners op ander plekke gebly het, en net naweke huistoe gekom het om sandkastele te bou. Die boesmans het in hulle tuine gewerk.
* Moses het die Hebreeuse slawe na die Rooi See gelei waar hulle ongesuurde brode gebak het, dit is brood wat sonder enige bestanddele gemaak is en baie soet is van te min suurdeeg. Moses het die berg Sianied uitgeklim om die tien gebooie te kry.
* Die Egiptenare was 'n hoogs gekulde volk en sonder hulle sou ons nie 'n geskiedenis gehad het nie. Hulle het omtrent al die kafees in Egipte gehad. My ma sê hulle het baie mites gehad wat seker in die kombuis gewerk het.
* Demokrates was 'n beroemde Griekse wysheid wat rondgeloop en mense raad gegee het.. Hy is dood omdat hy verskriklik oordosis of so iets. Na sy dood het sy loopbaan dramaties agteruitgegaan.
* In die ou Olimpiese Spele het die Grieke kaal paal gespring, zol geswaai, en disnis gegooi. Hulle was ook lief vir budgie-jump, omdat daar niks anders was om te jump nie.
* Johanna van Arkel het van 'n stapel brandwonde gesterf. Hulle het haar met 'n blaasbalk aan die brand gepomp, tot haar hare afrou geraak het van skrik.
* Koningin Elizabeth was die "Maagdekoningin". As 'n koningin was sy 'n sukses, maar nie as 'n maagd nie. Sy het haar volk se probleme aangetrek. En was altyd mooi geklee.
* Dit was 'n tydperk van groot uitvindsels en ontdekkings. Gutenberg het die wynpers uitgevind. Hy het die slaweklokke gelui deur dit in die wynpers vas te draai dat die wyn spat.
* Die grootste skrywer van die Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Hy is in die jaar 1564 gebore en die geskiedkundige mense dink dit was op sy verjaardag.
Hy het nooit geld gemaak nie, en is net beroemd oor die toneelstukke wat hy geskryf het. Hy het tragedies, komedies en historektomie geskryf. Romeo and Juliet is een voorbeeld.
* Abraham Lincoln het Amerika se grootste presedent geword. Lincoln se ma is dood toe sy nog 'n maagd was en hy is gebore in 'n houthut wat hy met sy eie hande gebou het in die franse evolusie.
* Johann Sebastiaan Bach het baie komposisies geken en het so ook baie kinders gehad. Hy is dood sedert 1750 tot vandag toe. Bach was die beroemdste komponis in die wêreld, amper soos HÃndel. HÃndel was half-Duits, half-Italiaans en half-Engels wat Hollangs gepraat het.
* Beethoven het musiek geskryf al was hy doof. Hy was so doof dat hy harde musiek geskryf het. Hy het ver in die woude gaan loop selfs al het almal na hom geroep. Beethoven het in 1827 opgehou bestaan en dis hoekom hy later dood is. Hy het rooi hare by geboorte gehad toe noem sy ma hom Beethoven. Sy hare het egter na sy eerste bad heelwat verander.
* Die negentiende eeu was 'n tyd van baie uitvindsels. Mense het opgehou om met die hand te reproduseer en met toestelle begin reproduseer.
* Die uitvinding van die stoomboot het 'n netwerk van riviere laat ontstaan, waarna die mense gevlug het as die water te warm raak van die stoom wat afgeblaas word.
* Die Toekoek is 'n voël wat nie haar eie eiers kan lê nie.
* Parallelle lyne ontmoet mekaar nooit nie, tensy jy een of altwee van hulle buig.
* 'n Sirkel is 'n lyn wat sy ander end ontmoet sonder om te end. Daarom is dit moeilik om sy end te kry, voordat jy dronk word.
* Die maan is 'n planeet net soos die aarde. Daar bly net een man wat baie gelukkig is. Een keer 'n jaar raak sy koeie mal en spring oor die maan.
* Vegatiewe voortplanting is 'n proses waarin een individu per ongeluk 'n ander individu vervaardig waarop net die ouma trots is.
* Koolstofmonoksied is 'n reuklose gas wat verskriklik stink.
* Peter Stuyfgestaan is 'n geskiedkundige figuur, want hy het sigarette uitgevind en begin rook. Hy het so baie gerook dat die niekoetien-kolle in sy onderbroek duidelik sigbaar was.
* Nog 'n belangrike uitvindsel was die bloedsomloop. Dit het verhoed dat jou bloed stilstaan, wat stilstuipe veroorsaak.
* Egipteland was bewoon deur mummies en hulle het almal op hulle hero-gleuwe geskryf en vir hulle pappies gewys. Hulle het in die Sarah-woestyn gewoon en het waterbeurte gehad van die min reën.. Die klimaat was so erg dat al die inwoners op ander plekke gebly het, en net naweke huistoe gekom het om sandkastele te bou. Die boesmans het in hulle tuine gewerk.
* Moses het die Hebreeuse slawe na die Rooi See gelei waar hulle ongesuurde brode gebak het, dit is brood wat sonder enige bestanddele gemaak is en baie soet is van te min suurdeeg. Moses het die berg Sianied uitgeklim om die tien gebooie te kry.
* Die Egiptenare was 'n hoogs gekulde volk en sonder hulle sou ons nie 'n geskiedenis gehad het nie. Hulle het omtrent al die kafees in Egipte gehad. My ma sê hulle het baie mites gehad wat seker in die kombuis gewerk het.
* Demokrates was 'n beroemde Griekse wysheid wat rondgeloop en mense raad gegee het.. Hy is dood omdat hy verskriklik oordosis of so iets. Na sy dood het sy loopbaan dramaties agteruitgegaan.
* In die ou Olimpiese Spele het die Grieke kaal paal gespring, zol geswaai, en disnis gegooi. Hulle was ook lief vir budgie-jump, omdat daar niks anders was om te jump nie.
* Johanna van Arkel het van 'n stapel brandwonde gesterf. Hulle het haar met 'n blaasbalk aan die brand gepomp, tot haar hare afrou geraak het van skrik.
* Koningin Elizabeth was die "Maagdekoningin". As 'n koningin was sy 'n sukses, maar nie as 'n maagd nie. Sy het haar volk se probleme aangetrek. En was altyd mooi geklee.
* Dit was 'n tydperk van groot uitvindsels en ontdekkings. Gutenberg het die wynpers uitgevind. Hy het die slaweklokke gelui deur dit in die wynpers vas te draai dat die wyn spat.
* Die grootste skrywer van die Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Hy is in die jaar 1564 gebore en die geskiedkundige mense dink dit was op sy verjaardag.
Hy het nooit geld gemaak nie, en is net beroemd oor die toneelstukke wat hy geskryf het. Hy het tragedies, komedies en historektomie geskryf. Romeo and Juliet is een voorbeeld.
* Abraham Lincoln het Amerika se grootste presedent geword. Lincoln se ma is dood toe sy nog 'n maagd was en hy is gebore in 'n houthut wat hy met sy eie hande gebou het in die franse evolusie.
* Johann Sebastiaan Bach het baie komposisies geken en het so ook baie kinders gehad. Hy is dood sedert 1750 tot vandag toe. Bach was die beroemdste komponis in die wêreld, amper soos HÃndel. HÃndel was half-Duits, half-Italiaans en half-Engels wat Hollangs gepraat het.
* Beethoven het musiek geskryf al was hy doof. Hy was so doof dat hy harde musiek geskryf het. Hy het ver in die woude gaan loop selfs al het almal na hom geroep. Beethoven het in 1827 opgehou bestaan en dis hoekom hy later dood is. Hy het rooi hare by geboorte gehad toe noem sy ma hom Beethoven. Sy hare het egter na sy eerste bad heelwat verander.
* Die negentiende eeu was 'n tyd van baie uitvindsels. Mense het opgehou om met die hand te reproduseer en met toestelle begin reproduseer.
* Die uitvinding van die stoomboot het 'n netwerk van riviere laat ontstaan, waarna die mense gevlug het as die water te warm raak van die stoom wat afgeblaas word.
* Die Toekoek is 'n voël wat nie haar eie eiers kan lê nie.
* Parallelle lyne ontmoet mekaar nooit nie, tensy jy een of altwee van hulle buig.
* 'n Sirkel is 'n lyn wat sy ander end ontmoet sonder om te end. Daarom is dit moeilik om sy end te kry, voordat jy dronk word.
* Die maan is 'n planeet net soos die aarde. Daar bly net een man wat baie gelukkig is. Een keer 'n jaar raak sy koeie mal en spring oor die maan.
* Vegatiewe voortplanting is 'n proses waarin een individu per ongeluk 'n ander individu vervaardig waarop net die ouma trots is.
* Koolstofmonoksied is 'n reuklose gas wat verskriklik stink.
* Peter Stuyfgestaan is 'n geskiedkundige figuur, want hy het sigarette uitgevind en begin rook. Hy het so baie gerook dat die niekoetien-kolle in sy onderbroek duidelik sigbaar was.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
As jy reg is...
"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong"
- Voltaire
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Chuck Norris....
24 Facts: Chuck Norris
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Who will be the lucky one? As the old-school action star celebrates turning 70, we all know there'll never be anyone like him again. Because after they made him, he broke the mould. Learn more and be humbled, then post your facts or send us a picture of a birthday card you made yourself.
1. Chuck Norris' first job was as a newspaper delivery boy. There were no survivors.
2. When Arnie say the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie, he is implying he is going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
3. Aliens DO exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on. (And Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding).
4. Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark. Because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
6. When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't pushing himself up – he's pushing the earth down.
7. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
8. Chuck Norris recently began selling his urine as a beverage. We know it as "Red Bull".
9. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
10. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
11. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris, but usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris. (Look out, Waddy Jones.)
12. He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris dies by the roundhouse kick.
13. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It's a Chucktatorship.
14. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
15. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun, and won.
16. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
17. A handicapped parking spot sign does not in fact signify that the bay is reserved for the handicapped. It indicates that the parking place belongs to Chuck Norris, and you will soon be handicapped if you park there.
18. If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
19. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes dead people.
20. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
21. Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Grim Reaper's still too scared to tell him.
22. Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. Then he cried himself to sleep.
23. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, he's never cried.
24. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer: Chuck Norris
* Sourced from Twitter, Martialarts.about.com and chucknorrisfacts.com, news24.com
En dan al die byvoegings:
1. Chuck drives an Isuzu
2. Chuck Norris invented all colours except pink - Tom Cruise invented pink
3. Chuck Norris can mxit from a public phone...
4. Chuck Norris played the original April Fool's Day Joke.
5. April Fool's Day jokes do not work on Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris can count to infinity and backwards in the time it takes him to do a round-house kick. In essence, his round-house kick defines infinity.
7. Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret
8. Chuck Norris RICA'd Vodacom on 31 June 2011
9. Chuck Norris can code Windows 8 in his dreams using OPCODE
10. Chuck Norris once missed a kick during a fight. The opponent and everyone within 100ft was knocked out by the sonic boom. He vowed never to miss again.
11. Chuck norris has a xbox live account. on playstation
12. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
13. Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his room. The bear is still alive, just too scared to move.
14. Chuck Norris uses a stunt double for crying scenes.
15. On office in/out boards, Chuck Norris can be in and out at the same time.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Who will be the lucky one? As the old-school action star celebrates turning 70, we all know there'll never be anyone like him again. Because after they made him, he broke the mould. Learn more and be humbled, then post your facts or send us a picture of a birthday card you made yourself.
1. Chuck Norris' first job was as a newspaper delivery boy. There were no survivors.
2. When Arnie say the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie, he is implying he is going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
3. Aliens DO exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on. (And Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding).
4. Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark. Because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
6. When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't pushing himself up – he's pushing the earth down.
7. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
8. Chuck Norris recently began selling his urine as a beverage. We know it as "Red Bull".
9. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
10. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
11. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris, but usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris. (Look out, Waddy Jones.)
12. He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris dies by the roundhouse kick.
13. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It's a Chucktatorship.
14. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
15. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun, and won.
16. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
17. A handicapped parking spot sign does not in fact signify that the bay is reserved for the handicapped. It indicates that the parking place belongs to Chuck Norris, and you will soon be handicapped if you park there.
18. If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
19. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes dead people.
20. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
21. Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Grim Reaper's still too scared to tell him.
22. Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. Then he cried himself to sleep.
23. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, he's never cried.
24. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer: Chuck Norris
* Sourced from Twitter, Martialarts.about.com and chucknorrisfacts.com, news24.com
En dan al die byvoegings:
1. Chuck drives an Isuzu
2. Chuck Norris invented all colours except pink - Tom Cruise invented pink
3. Chuck Norris can mxit from a public phone...
4. Chuck Norris played the original April Fool's Day Joke.
5. April Fool's Day jokes do not work on Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris can count to infinity and backwards in the time it takes him to do a round-house kick. In essence, his round-house kick defines infinity.
7. Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret
8. Chuck Norris RICA'd Vodacom on 31 June 2011
9. Chuck Norris can code Windows 8 in his dreams using OPCODE
10. Chuck Norris once missed a kick during a fight. The opponent and everyone within 100ft was knocked out by the sonic boom. He vowed never to miss again.
11. Chuck norris has a xbox live account. on playstation
12. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
13. Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his room. The bear is still alive, just too scared to move.
14. Chuck Norris uses a stunt double for crying scenes.
15. On office in/out boards, Chuck Norris can be in and out at the same time.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Die korporatiewe lewe...
When the state rises the peasants suffer; when the state falls the peasants suffer.
--From an ancient Chinese poem
--From an ancient Chinese poem
Monday, March 1, 2010
On Complex Systems...
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked. The inverse proposition also appears to be true: A complex system designed from scratch never works and cannot be made to work. You have to start over, beginning with a working simple system. --Gall's Law
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Enigma #23243
Any sufficiently advanced theory of the universe is indistinguishable from religion.
- Henri Hakl, 2010.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Oatmeal oor Onderhoude...
Oatmeal is besig om een van my gunsteling "comic strips" te word - dit lewer baie skerp kommentaar...
Sien die een oor onderhoude en Facebook - beide is so waar en skreeusnaaks.
Sien die een oor onderhoude en Facebook - beide is so waar en skreeusnaaks.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Kurt Vonnegut on Drama
Kurt Vonnegut explains needless drama, with handy graphs:
(W)e grew up surrounded by big dramatic story arcs in books and movies, we think our lives are supposed to be filled with huge ups and downs! So people pretend there is drama where there is none.
(W)e grew up surrounded by big dramatic story arcs in books and movies, we think our lives are supposed to be filled with huge ups and downs! So people pretend there is drama where there is none.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Vinnige wiskunde
To square a number like 14, identify the closest round number — in this case, 10. Since you subtracted 4 to get 10, add 4 to 14 to get 18 and multiply that by 10. Add to that the square of 4: 180 + 16 = 196.
To multiply, say, 11 x 32, add the digits of 32 (3 + 2 = 5) and insert the sum between them: 352. Numbers with two-digit sums use a slight variation: For 11 x 84 (8 + 4 = 12), add the 1 from 12 to the 8 and leave the 2 in the middle: 924.
Ask a fan to think of any number. Then have them double it, add 12, divide by 2, and subtract the original number. Before they're done, tell them the answer: 6. It will always be 6.
- from Wired
To multiply, say, 11 x 32, add the digits of 32 (3 + 2 = 5) and insert the sum between them: 352. Numbers with two-digit sums use a slight variation: For 11 x 84 (8 + 4 = 12), add the 1 from 12 to the 8 and leave the 2 in the middle: 924.
Ask a fan to think of any number. Then have them double it, add 12, divide by 2, and subtract the original number. Before they're done, tell them the answer: 6. It will always be 6.
- from Wired
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
'n Paar Aanghalings
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. Jerry Seinfeld, comedian
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their colour.
Maya Angelou, poet
I think I’ve discovered the secret of life — you just hang around until you get used to it. Charles M Schulzm, cartoonist
If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build yo wings on the way down.
Ray Bradbury, author
I’m tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t work. We are supposed to work it. Alexander Woollcott, critic
Every successful revolution puts on in time the robes of the tyrant it has deposed. Barbara Tuchman, historian
For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time. Isabel Allende, author
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. HG Wells, author
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner, comedian
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. Joan Rivers, comedian
Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfil them,for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, philosopher
When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults.
Brian Aldiss, author
I must say Ifind television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. Groucho Marx, comedian
I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all tobe distilled into actions which bring results. Florence Nightingale, nursing pioneer
If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush. Dawn French, comedian
Idealists foolish enough to throw caution to the winds have advanced mankind and have enriched the world. Emma Goldman, activist
Don’t have sex, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. Steve Martin, comedian
Teach thy tongue to say ‘I do not know,’ and thou shalt progress. Maimonides, philosopher
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. Billy Connolly, comedian
Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. John Donne, poet
A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.
Lao Tzu, philosopher
The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed. Steven Biko, activist
A word to the wise ain’t necessary -- it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. Bill Cosby, comedian
If you do not speak up when it matters, when would it matter that you speak? The opposite of courage is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow. Jim Hightower, activist
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. Douglas Adams, author
Any idiot can get laid when they’re famous. That’s easy. It’s getting laid when you’re not famous that takes some talent. Kevin Bacon, actor
Hope is the thing withfeat hers that perches in the soul — and sings the tunes without the words — and never stops at all. Emily Dickinson, poet
We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. Robert Wilensky, computer science professor
If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there. Lewis Carroll, author
Variations On Murphy's Law
1. The Law of Common Sense: Never accept a drink from a urologist.
2. The Law of Reality: Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
3. The Law of Self Sacrifice: When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
4. The Law of Volunteering: If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell: When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
6. The Law of Motivation: Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
7. Wailer's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
8. Law of Drunkenness: You can't fall off the floor.
9. Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.Soorte Salarisse
Uieskilsalaris: As daaraan vat, begin jy huil
Dieetsalaris: Laat jou elke keer minder eet
Ateissalaris: Jy begin ernstig twywel oor sy bestaan
Donderstormsalaris: Jy weet nie wanneer dit gaan kom nie en hoe lank dit gaan hou nie
Galgehumorsalaris: Jy lag histeries om te keer dat jy huil
Impotente salaris: Laat jou in die steek wanneer jy dit die nodigste het
Arktiese salaris: Is al dertig jaar lank gevries
WP-salaris: Prakties, maar jy troos jou daaraan dat jy ten minste by 'n lekker plek werk
Dieetsalaris: Laat jou elke keer minder eet
Ateissalaris: Jy begin ernstig twywel oor sy bestaan
Donderstormsalaris: Jy weet nie wanneer dit gaan kom nie en hoe lank dit gaan hou nie
Galgehumorsalaris: Jy lag histeries om te keer dat jy huil
Impotente salaris: Laat jou in die steek wanneer jy dit die nodigste het
Arktiese salaris: Is al dertig jaar lank gevries
WP-salaris: Prakties, maar jy troos jou daaraan dat jy ten minste by 'n lekker plek werk
Software
Software documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. (Anonymous.)
Prostitute
Wat is die verskil tussen getroude vroue en prostitute? Getroude vroue is op kontrak terwyl prostitute Pay as You Go is.....
Oorgedra van my ou blog...
Het jy die grappie gehoor van die Ma wat haar dogtertjie bed to stuur en se sy moet haar nuwe gebedjie opse. Dogtertjie trek weg: Jesus dankie vir die kossies en kleertjies en seen die seuntjies en die dogtertjies en al die fokken hasies asb, amen. Ma: Nee, nee, hoeveel keer nog moet ek vir jou se: Al die volke en nasies.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Ja en nee antwoorde op vrae
Prof Adrio Konig het hierdie vanoggend in ons kerkdiens vertel
Die advokaat raak heel geirriteerd met die ou omie wat die hele tyd 'n lang verduideliking op al sy vrae gee. Die advokaat vra naderhand aan die omie, antwoord net asseblief ja of nee, waarop die ou omie antwoord, maar sommige vrae kan mens nie net eenvoudig ja of nee op antwoord nie. Die advokaat wil-wil aan die stry raak, waarop die omie reageer met 'n dodelike voorbeeld: "Slaan jy nog jou vrou?...."
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