Ai, ek mis hierdie reeks...

Oor Twitter en werk...

As jy reg is...

"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong"

- Voltaire

Chuck Norris....

24 Facts: Chuck Norris

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Who will be the lucky one? As the old-school action star celebrates turning 70, we all know there'll never be anyone like him again. Because after they made him, he broke the mould. Learn more and be humbled, then post your facts or send us a picture of a birthday card you made yourself.

1. Chuck Norris' first job was as a newspaper delivery boy. There were no survivors.

2. When Arnie say the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie, he is implying he is going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

3. Aliens DO exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on. (And Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding).

4. Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark. Because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

6. When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't pushing himself up – he's pushing the earth down.

7. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

8. Chuck Norris recently began selling his urine as a beverage. We know it as "Red Bull".

9. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

10. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

11. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris, but usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris. (Look out, Waddy Jones.)

12. He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris dies by the roundhouse kick.

13. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It's a Chucktatorship.

14. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

15. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun, and won.

16. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

17. A handicapped parking spot sign does not in fact signify that the bay is reserved for the handicapped. It indicates that the parking place belongs to Chuck Norris, and you will soon be handicapped if you park there.

18. If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

19. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes dead people.

20. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

21. Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Grim Reaper's still too scared to tell him.

22. Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. Then he cried himself to sleep.

23. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, he's never cried.

24. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer: Chuck Norris

* Sourced from Twitter, Martialarts.about.com and chucknorrisfacts.com, news24.com

En dan al die byvoegings:

1. Chuck drives an Isuzu

2. Chuck Norris invented all colours except pink - Tom Cruise invented pink

3. Chuck Norris can mxit from a public phone...

4. Chuck Norris played the original April Fool's Day Joke.

5. April Fool's Day jokes do not work on Chuck Norris.

6. Chuck Norris can count to infinity and backwards in the time it takes him to do a round-house kick. In essence, his round-house kick defines infinity.

7. Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret

8. Chuck Norris RICA'd Vodacom on 31 June 2011

9. Chuck Norris can code Windows 8 in his dreams using OPCODE


10. Chuck Norris once missed a kick during a fight. The opponent and everyone within 100ft was knocked out by the sonic boom. He vowed never to miss again.

11. Chuck norris has a xbox live account. on playstation

12. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

13. Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his room. The bear is still alive, just too scared to move.

14. Chuck Norris uses a stunt double for crying scenes.

15. On office in/out boards, Chuck Norris can be in and out at the same time.

Die korporatiewe lewe...

When the state rises the peasants suffer; when the state falls the peasants suffer.
--From an ancient Chinese poem

On Complex Systems...

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked. The inverse proposition also appears to be true: A complex system designed from scratch never works and cannot be made to work. You have to start over, beginning with a working simple system. --Gall's Law

Enigma #23243

Any sufficiently advanced theory of the universe is indistinguishable from religion.

- Henri Hakl, 2010.

Oatmeal oor Onderhoude...

Oatmeal is besig om een van my gunsteling "comic strips" te word - dit lewer baie skerp kommentaar...

Sien die een oor onderhoude en Facebook - beide is so waar en skreeusnaaks.

Kurt Vonnegut on Drama

Kurt Vonnegut explains needless drama, with handy graphs:
(W)e grew up surrounded by big dramatic story arcs in books and movies, we think our lives are supposed to be filled with huge ups and downs! So people pretend there is drama where there is none.

Dimentia?

Vinnige wiskunde

To square a number like 14, identify the closest round number — in this case, 10. Since you subtracted 4 to get 10, add 4 to 14 to get 18 and multiply that by 10. Add to that the square of 4: 180 + 16 = 196.


To multiply, say, 11 x 32, add the digits of 32 (3 + 2 = 5) and insert the sum between them: 352. Numbers with two-digit sums use a slight variation: For 11 x 84 (8 + 4 = 12), add the 1 from 12 to the 8 and leave the 2 in the middle: 924.


Ask a fan to think of any number. Then have them double it, add 12, divide by 2, and subtract the original number. Before they're done, tell them the answer: 6. It will always be 6.


- from Wired

"It's one of those nights . . . There's warm beer, and cold women. No I just don't fit in. Every joint I stumble into tonight That's just how it's been . . . "

'n Paar Aanghalings

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. Jerry Seinfeld, comedian

We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their colour.

Maya Angelou, poet

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life — you just hang around until you get used to it. Charles M Schulzm, cartoonist

If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build yo wings on the way down.

Ray Bradbury, author

I’m tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t work. We are supposed to work it. Alexander Woollcott, critic

Every successful revolution puts on in time the robes of the tyrant it has deposed. Barbara Tuchman, historian

For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time. Isabel Allende, author

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. HG Wells, author

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Rita Rudner, comedian

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. Joan Rivers, comedian

Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfil them,for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, philosopher

When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults.

Brian Aldiss, author

I must say Ifind television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. Groucho Marx, comedian

I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all tobe distilled into actions which bring results. Florence Nightingale, nursing pioneer

If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush. Dawn French, comedian

Idealists foolish enough to throw caution to the winds have advanced mankind and have enriched the world. Emma Goldman, activist

Don’t have sex, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. Steve Martin, comedian

Teach thy tongue to say ‘I do not know,’ and thou shalt progress. Maimonides, philosopher

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. Billy Connolly, comedian

Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. John Donne, poet

A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.

Lao Tzu, philosopher

The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed. Steven Biko, activist

A word to the wise ain’t necessary -- it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. Bill Cosby, comedian

If you do not speak up when it matters, when would it matter that you speak? The opposite of courage is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow. Jim Hightower, activist

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. Douglas Adams, author

Any idiot can get laid when they’re famous. That’s easy. It’s getting laid when you’re not famous that takes some talent. Kevin Bacon, actor

Hope is the thing withfeat hers that perches in the soul — and sings the tunes without the words — and never stops at all. Emily Dickinson, poet

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. Robert Wilensky, computer science professor

If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there. Lewis Carroll, author

Variations On Murphy's Law

1. The Law of Common Sense: Never accept a drink from a urologist.

2. The Law of Reality: Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

3. The Law of Self Sacrifice: When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

4. The Law of Volunteering: If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell: When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

6. The Law of Motivation: Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

7. Wailer's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

8. Law of Drunkenness: You can't fall off the floor.

9. Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

Wexelblat's Scheduling Algorithm

Choose two:

• Good
• Fast
• Cheap

Software Architecture

If you think good architecture is expensive, try bad architecture.

Software

Software is Too Important to be Left to Programmers, by Meilir Page-Jones.

Soorte Salarisse

Uieskilsalaris: As daaraan vat, begin jy huil
Dieetsalaris: Laat jou elke keer minder eet
Ateissalaris: Jy begin ernstig twywel oor sy bestaan
Donderstormsalaris: Jy weet nie wanneer dit gaan kom nie en hoe lank dit gaan hou nie
Galgehumorsalaris: Jy lag histeries om te keer dat jy huil
Impotente salaris: Laat jou in die steek wanneer jy dit die nodigste het
Arktiese salaris: Is al dertig jaar lank gevries
WP-salaris: Prakties, maar jy troos jou daaraan dat jy ten minste by 'n lekker plek werk

Software

Software documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. (Anonymous.)

Prostitute

Wat is die verskil tussen getroude vroue en prostitute? Getroude vroue is op kontrak terwyl prostitute Pay as You Go is.....

Oorgedra van my ou blog...

Het jy die grappie gehoor van die Ma wat haar dogtertjie bed to stuur en se sy moet haar nuwe gebedjie opse. Dogtertjie trek weg: Jesus dankie vir die kossies en kleertjies en seen die seuntjies en die dogtertjies en al die fokken hasies asb, amen. Ma: Nee, nee, hoeveel keer nog moet ek vir jou se: Al die volke en nasies.

Ja en nee antwoorde op vrae

Prof Adrio Konig het hierdie vanoggend in ons kerkdiens vertel

Die advokaat raak heel geirriteerd met die ou omie wat die hele tyd 'n lang verduideliking op al sy vrae gee. Die advokaat vra naderhand aan die omie, antwoord net asseblief ja of nee, waarop die ou omie antwoord, maar sommige vrae kan mens nie net eenvoudig ja of nee op antwoord nie. Die advokaat wil-wil aan die stry raak, waarop die omie reageer met 'n dodelike voorbeeld: "Slaan jy nog jou vrou?...."